Best modern hymn ever?

There are some good ones out there. But I think this one is great.

Job application nearly done

I am in a bit of a don't-care frame of mind about it. Too much else going on. Just wanting to be there for our friends. Work doesn't seem that important anymore.

However, I suppose I need to think ahead. At the beginning of 2013 (God willing) then I might be in need of a few hours of work each week. I'm a bit nervous about how we will manage financially with a large family.

At least I only had to make a few alterations to a previous application I did last year. It hasn't taken hours of my time.

And unless the baby decides to turn up tonight, I should be able to submit it tomorrow and not have to think about it anymore.

Don't I have enough faith?

I was talking to friends at church this morning about our mutual friends who have received sad news about their unborn baby this week (see the posts below).

Some of them were saying that we should keep praying for healing for their little boy, that God might still have work to do in forming this child. What was interesting was that these were people who have walked a similar path, those who have lost a child themselves.

I don't know how to feel about this. I have no experience of losing a child, except for a very early miscarriage many years ago.

Is my acceptance of the news that our friends are most likely going to lose their baby either prior to or soon after birth because I don't have enough faith in God's ability to work a miracle? Could it be because, indirectly, I work as part of the "medical system" that diagnoses disability and breaks bad news to families and do I (wrongly) have more faith in that system than in God?

God may choose to bring healing and life in these circumstances. I don't know if He will. But He doesn't promise us this. We know from the Bible the exact opposite actually. As Christians, we should expect suffering on this side of heaven.

Maybe I misunderstood what was being said this morning in the fog of my own grieving. Perhaps my friends who are praying for healing and that God still has work to do in this little person's life aren't praying for him to be made whole again but that whatever happens, his life (however long or short it might be) will be a blessing to God and to other people as well.

Perhaps my grief right now relates to the fact that whatever happens in the life of this beautiful little baby, he is not the baby our friends had planned and expectantly hoped for and the dreams we shared of having our little ones grow up together, only a few months apart in age, will most likely not come to pass.

That is the loss I am sad about. And the loss that they are sad about too. But maybe when I can move a little further past this sadness, I can pray too that the life of their little boy will be a meaningful and valuable one to many. And that the witness of our friends as they go through this time will be a great blessing to those around them.

Comfort in times of suffering

The news for our friends has not been good. Further scans have shown their little baby has severe abnormalities and may or may not survive birth.

Today I found this post on Cathy's blog on Psalm 77.

In the Day of Trouble I Seek the Lord

To the choirmaster: according to yJeduthun. A Psalm of zAsaph.

77 I acry aloud to God,

aloud to God, and he will hear me.

2 bIn the day of my trouble I seek the Lord;

in cthe night my dhand is stretched out without wearying;

my soul erefuses to be comforted.

3 When I remember God, I fmoan;

when I meditate, my spirit faints. Selah

4 You hold my eyelids open;

I am so gtroubled that I cannot speak.

5 I consider hthe days of old,

the years long ago.

6 I said,1 “Let me remember my isong in the night;

let me jmeditate in my heart.”

Then my spirit made a diligent search:

7 “Will the Lord kspurn forever,

and never again lbe favorable?

8 Has his steadfast love forever ceased?

Are his mpromises at an end for all time?

9 nHas God forgotten to be gracious?

oHas he in anger shut up his compassion?” Selah

10 Then I said, “I will appeal to this,

to the years of the pright hand of the Most High.”

2

11 I will remember the deeds of the Lord;

yes, I will qremember your wonders of old.

12 I will ponder all your rwork,

and meditate on your smighty deeds.

13 Your way, O God, is tholy.

uWhat god is great like our God?

14 You are the God who vworks wonders;

you have wmade known your might among the peoples.

15 You xwith your arm redeemed your people,

the children of Jacob and Joseph. Selah

16 When ythe waters saw you, O God,

when the waters saw you, they were afraid;

indeed, the deep trembled.

17 The clouds poured out water;

the skies zgave forth thunder;

your aarrows flashed on every side.

18 bThe crash of your thunder was in the whirlwind;

cyour lightnings lighted up the world;

the earth dtrembled and shook.

19 Your eway was through the sea,

your path through the great waters;

yet your footprints fwere unseen.3

20 You gled your people like a flock

by the hand of Moses and Aaron.

This is what grieving in a Godly way should look like. The time to cry and to mourn, while remembering that God is holy and strong and in control of all things. We need to keep reminding ourselves of this. Until we meet Jesus face to face in heaven, we will not know why these things happen. All we can do is cling to him and trust that he is there for us always.

Praying for our friends as they face this time of uncertainty ahead and that we will be able to support them well.

Sorrow and joy seem to go together

More than I'd expect.

Today I heard some great news about little Harvey, who has been having treatment for a rare brain tumour since the beginning of this year. I have blogged about him before here and here. He is now a big two year old and is going really well. His scan at the conclusion of all his chemo and radiation therapy has come back clear, and although he's not out of the woods just yet (he needs to keep having three monthly MRI scans) this news has come as a great relief for his family.

And this morning I was talking to another good friend of mine who is pregnant and due a few months after me. They have two older children about the same ages as our boys and had been trying to have another baby for several years without any success. We were both trying to fall pregnant before Rosie was born and so it has been lovely to share the pregnancy journey with their family this time around. She had her 18 week scan yesterday, which showed some abnormalities, which might be serious or might not mean anything. They are not sure yet but have been referred for more detailed scans to find out more information. I am praying so hard that it will all be okay for them, knowing that their journey to this point has been such a difficult road. Whatever happens, pregnancy has changed for them (for now anyway) from a joyful time to one of anxiety and worry about what might be going to happen.

The Bible tells us in Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 that there is a time for everything under heaven. And so it is true. But it seems to me that there are times when these times just happen simultaneously.

Please pray for both my friends.

When living in Christian community is hard

Most of the time, being part of a church family is fantastic. Feeling loved and cared for by those who sit around us each Sunday and who are as committed to living as Christians as we are is a really encouraging thing.

But there are also times when it can feel like very hard work, or annoying, or even distressing. Here are some examples.

When you say the wrong thing to someone and it's hard to recover the same friendly footing that you had with them before. When you discover that you've been excluded from some social activity and you don't know why (or conversely, when you feel like you've gatecrashed someone else's conversation or group activity). When you see some people come along to church and get welcomed into existing groups while others (or even you) appear to be left on the fringes. When you don't know what to say to someone who's had bad news or is grieving, or you just find it plain difficult to start a conversation with someone that you don't have a lot in common with. When you put out a suggestion to somebody that it would be good to do something with them and you get rebuffed. You might just realise you have different philosophies or opinions to others in your church family on any number of topics, such as how to bring up your children, where to send them to school, how much time you should be committing to serving at church/doing paid work/meeting up with other people to read the Bible. You're not sure if you fit in with the rest of the crowd.

Or even silly little niggly things like cooking a meal for someone in need and never getting the dish you gave it to them in back again (sorry, that one is probably a little bit petty....it's just a dish, after all. You can always buy another one).

Seriously, though, I think that this kind of stuff can be the start of people being put off from attending church, particularly if it goes on for a while. To outsiders coming in, the church appears to be full of existing friendship groups and those who don't fit in or look the same as the existing ones struggle to find a place to belong. And for those who've been around for a while but haven't quite found people that they connect with, or who are naturally introverted and don't thrive on socialising, it can become a catalyst for feelings of discouragement as time goes on.

So what can we do? Sometimes it is really hard to keep hanging in there when these kinds of things happen.

But we have to. The easy option is to turn inwards and focus on ourselves, feel hurt, opt out and start not turning up, or even to leave and find another church (sometimes only to find the same cycle starts again). It becomes all about us and getting our own needs met. The difficult choice is to keep on loving others, keep on serving others and remember that this Christian life isn't about us, but about loving God and our neighbours.

Our sermon series at church at the moment is on the letter of 1 John. On Sunday, we heard a great talk that challenged me with some questions on how we can know if we are living in a Christ-like way. One of the questions that stuck in my head was about whether you are hanging around with people that you might not necessarily choose to be around if you weren't a Christian.

This is the hard road that living as a Christian requires. Talking to people when it's hard or when you don't have much in common with them. Not feeling hurt if you haven't been included in a get together. Persisting when not many people turn up to something you've organised. Being comfortable with those whose opinions and practices might differ from yours in the way they live their lives. Taking the focus off ourselves and putting it back where it belongs. On Jesus and on serving others.

Post pantry cleaning bliss

I love opening the pantry and looking at neatness and orderliness. I love knowing exactly what we have and where it is located.

This neatness won't last long so I'll just enjoy the few days until we go shopping again and things end up randomly positioned anywhere.

Less exciting was the discovery of lots of chocolate that will have to wait a while to be eaten. Or will be eaten by other less dietary-restricted people in our house.