Sorry

I have said something I shouldn't on here. Sometimes putting personal opinions out into cyberspace is risky. People won't always agree with what I say. Hopefully if they disagree they will speak up, but I don't get many comments here to know that. I don't intentionally set out to cause harm but it seems that I have....

Time to take a break for a little while I think. I wish now that I hadn't said what I said since it has caused offence to somebody else. The post involved has been deleted but the damage has already been done. If the person I've hurt is reading this, then please accept my apology.

This is why I find it hard to open up to other people in real life too. Stuff comes out the wrong way, or someone else says something and I quote it without realising that it is okay for that person to have said it, but it's not okay for me to also say it.

So then I just wish I'd stayed inside my shell. And so I crawl back in there and don't want to come out. Ever.

My mind is already full of other things that I hadn't anticipated having to think about right now. So maybe a break is what I need anyway.

Thanks to those who pop in and comment every so often, I do appreciate your words of encouragement and hopefully I will be back in blogland soon.

So as I was writing that last post....

I had a call from the kids' school.

Liam has bitten a kid in his class because she "was in his personal space" (that's the reason he managed to come up with when the deputy principal asked him why he did it).

So yes, I am definitely praying for wisdom now. And also that I will be able to control my anger when I have to sort this out after school. Having been through a couple of these kinds of situations previously, I've found that the way I react to them works a bit like a grieving process.

My initial response is always to feel shocked and upset and also pretty embarrassed. My thought process goes something like this. I've taught my kids better than that. They know it's the wrong thing to do. There is never any excuse for that behaviour. What will the other parent think of him/me? (I don't think the school tells them who the biter is, but I'm sure their child will pass the information on). What will the teachers/principal think of me?

When the stage of embarrassment and feeling upset settles down (usually about the time the culprit arrives home from school), I then move into an anger stage. I feel really cranky. I shout (quite a lot...). I don't want to hear about what the other kid did, I just want you to behave yourself. How dare you do that? etc etc

And then I feel guilty. Has this behaviour started happening because I've recently gone back to work? Am I too busy doing other stuff to find the time to look at my own kids' issues? Have I not paid him enough positive attention lately?

And then I have to think of a consequence for all this. He's already had a few special things removed this week. We're running out of options.

I know that once I calm down (probably a day or two away, hopefully tomorrow though), then I will be able to think about it a bit more reasonably. There was another kid in Liam's class biting people this week. Not the smartest move to copy this behaviour but at least I know that other kids have done it. I wish my kids wouldn't do these things but we all do stupid things and so Chris and I need to sit him down and have the talk (again) about what appropriate behaviour choices are. As parents, we need to keep praying that over time, he will choose more appropriate responses when someone gets in his way.

I think though that the way I react in these kinds of situations has a lot to do with how people might perceive me (as a person or as a parent). Which is in its own way as sinful as the behaviour that initiated it. It's not important what other people think. What God thinks is the most important thing, but that isn't what comes to my mind first up. It's always about what people might think of ME, which is of course a very selfish attitude to have. And so as a consequence, I am also being sinful.

So then I was thinking that maybe we need to go through a similar grief process about our own sins more often, particularly with those more insidious sins that outsiders don't see. I don't know about other people, but I find it's only when my sin is exposed and I am perceived for who I really am that I feel bad/guilty or upset about it and I might actually change something about the way I do things. It's easy to ignore the "little sins" and pretend they didn't happen.

Sigh. A calm and easy life seems a long way away right now. Praying for strength, wisdom and that I will feel convicted enough by my own sins to confess them and actually change my behaviour. Maybe it's just me, but I find that it's way too easy to skip over the confession part when I pray....

Sins of omission

Cathy has written an excellent post here on sins of omission, the good things we should do but don't.

I am reading a Christian book at the moment which claims that not teaching your daughter to do her hair and make-up, or not buying her attractive clothes, are sins of omission.

Hmmm. Something is wrong here. I think these are trivial matters, not sins. Should we teach our daughters to be feminine? Yes, of course. Will I teach my daughter to do her hair and make-up? Maybe. I'll keep her hair neat and tidy. I don't wear make-up myself so I can't really see the need to teach her that.

But saying it's sinful to not do these things is a bit much. I'm trying to be respectful here of the older woman who wrote this book but if we are looking at matters of righteousness, matters of wisdom and matters of triviality (with acknowledgement to Guidance and the Voice of God here), it's my opinion that this one is definitely in the trivial category.

Scary parenting moments...

Liam is home again, he's very quiet and a bit sleepy. It's disconcerting since he usually talks non-stop. At the moment we have short bursts of chat followed by long silences, which I think is normal with concussion. He has the ugliest black eye I've ever seen, it's so swollen he can't open it and it has stitches all around it. I'm not good with blood so I'm not looking forward to having to put ointment on it when Chris goes back to work tomorrow.

We were planning to head to the beach for a few days next week. Now we have to see the doctors on Monday so they can decide if the fracture in his eye socket needs surgery (still too much swelling to see). We are praying we can still go.

I guess it's a normal reaction but when Aidan went to get his bike out today, I felt tense. I wouldn't let him ride at all yesterday. We live in a cul de sac so the worst thing I ever thought might happen was that one of our neighbours might not see the kids riding around as they were driving in or out of their driveways. We trained the boys to watch out for cars and they have been great at getting out of the way when someone is coming or going.

It was scary feeling so helpless and knowing that we couldn't make it better, most of the time we can fix things for our kids but this time we needed help. It reminded us that all we can do in these situations is trust God. Aidan and I said lots of prayers for Liam yesterday while we waited at home to hear what was happening. And it also reminded us that we should always be trusting in God and not ourselves, not just at frightening times like this.

The outcome could have been much worse so I am so thankful to God for the doctors' skill in handling the situation and that they think the long term outlook is fine for him.

Yesterday while I tried to stay calm, I was reading Simone and friends' interesting discussions on sin here and here and in too many other places to link to. I don't think I've analysed sin to the depth that they have although I am currently reading a book called "Respectable Sins" which is giving me some uncomfortable moments...but it also reminds me constantly of how amazing God's grace is.