And if not, am I being a disobedient Christian??
We have three children. The number I always saw myself as having in those long time ago days pre-kids. It took us a long time to conceive #3 and I think it took so long because I am now closer to 40 than 35 years of age.
So now we are faced with a decision. What to do next? Do we look at a long term, even permanent, method of contraception? Or do we "let God decide" whether we should add to our family? (ie. not use contraception but just see what happens without actively "trying").
The "letting God decide" option is a bit scary. Putting that term into Google along with "family size" brought up a lot of hits from blogs belonging to women who stay at home homeschooling their families of (insert any number greater than 4 here) children. That and the Quiverfull movement. A few interesting quotes in all those on the relationship between family size and "Biblical womanhood" that I will tackle in another post because of how wrong I thought they were.
Let me just say I am struggling with the whole thought of "letting God decide." While I think at the age I am now, it is less likely rather than highly likely that God would bless us with another baby, what if he did? All my babies have been early, and the trend over having the three of them is that they have arrived earlier and earlier. My third child was born after a gestational diabetes complicated pregnancy at 33 weeks. Any earlier than that and there are so many risks for both me and the baby due to prematurity. No one can tell me why they have come earlier than they should, so I don't have risk factors I can get rid of next time. In fact it's likely to be even riskier because of my age. And all three of my births have been Caesareans as well.
But is it "unbiblical" as a woman not to put my trust in God to take care of me if I should have another baby?
And the contraception road isn't necessarily the quick and easy alternative either. Researching all the options out there and deciding which are acceptable to Christians isn't a five minute task.
Financially for us, increasing the size of our family would be a stretch. I don't think I should be expecting the government to provide lots of financial assistance for me to have lots of children. In fact, it's my own belief that if you can't afford to have children and predominantly support them yourself, then you shouldn't have them (although I realise that not everyone, including many Christians, share this view).
So I feel a little uneasy about what to do here. I know I don't have a wide readership to canvass here but if anyone has been in a similar position, I am open to advice....