Thinking about....

...Christians who choose to marry non Christians.

A close relative of ours (single, early 40s, similar age to me) has just announced her engagement. My husband told me that when he spoke to her, she sounded happier than he had heard her sound for many years. I think she has been really lonely for a long time.

But we have mixed emotions about it all. She is a Christian. My husband clearly remembers when she was converted to Christ. But her fiance isn't. This is his second marriage/partnership. We haven't met him yet. He has met some other members of the family, all of whom say he seems to be a really nice guy. He even asked permission from her parents (both Christians) before he asked her to marry him. They did say yes, but they also told him they weren't happy that he wasn't a Christian.

I'm finding it hard to know how to be supportive in this situation. I think there are other members of my husband's family who might refuse to go to their wedding. I think we will go, but I have this feeling that I'll find it very hard to watch. She has a lot of non-Christian friends who I think will probably make up for the mixed emotions coming from her family's direction.

We're not on the kind of terms where I could say to her upfront, "Look, if you think you were lonely before you got married, that's nothing compared to what it could be like AFTER you get married if you marry someone who doesn't believe what you do!" I'm probably not the right person to say it anyway, she would just see it as coming from the smug perspective of someone who's been married for many years and doesn't understand how hard it is to be single. And on one level, she's right.

But at the same time, I think single people find it hard to believe that even in a marriage where the two partners are both believing Christians, there can be lonely times. I have had them. But I do know that if I pray about things that are bothering me, then my husband will pray with me and we will work through it because we share the same perspective on life. We believe God is in control of what happens, that He has a plan for our lives, and that despite our sinfulness, He loved us more than any other human being could possibly love us. I don't know what I would do if the person I was choosing to spend my life with didn't share that view.

My husband and I decided to pray for her husband-to-be each day, that he will come to know Christ. We know there is no guarantee that this will happen. But I think it's all we can do right now without causing a family rift.

Is this all there is?

When I started this blog, however long ago that was, I didn't really have any particular aims in mind. It was more that I liked the idea of somewhere I could write stuff down, become a bit more disciplined about writing regularly, and perhaps have something that I could look back on in future years (or show my kids when they are older) so that I knew what I'd done during this time in my life. Like an online diary. I didn't have any niche topic in mind, although it seems that out in blog world, niche blogs are the cool thing at the moment. Blogs like mine about anything and everything don't attract so many followers because they don't cover anything in particular.

So with those less than specific aims, it's probably no wonder that I feel sometimes like my blog is a bit dull to read for anyone who doesn't know me (or even for those who do). Although I've been thinking lately that that is "life actually" for me at the moment.

The reality is, life for us these days isn't full of the excitement and spontaneity that it was when I first met my husband and we started going out, or even when we only had one child and we were learning about how to be parents. Or when we had far more disposable income than we do now. Now it's about looking after kids, changing nappies, doing washing, making sure homework gets done, feeding the baby, taking kids to after school activities, changing more nappies, cooking food, and paying the bills so we don't lose the roof over our head.

I was listening to some people talking at church yesterday about how they had been out for dinner at a restaurant the previous evening with a group of other younger adults from church. And I felt a tiny bit jealous that it's not so easy for us to just pop out for dinner anymore. I know there are people who'll happily babysit for one child, but four? It's a pretty big ask. And, even if someone is happy to do it, all of this requires planning at least a couple of weeks in advance.

I know all of this really is a first world whine. I mean, having to think twice about going out for a meal at a restaurant? I know it's just petty, but I worry sometimes that this blog reflects that my life is actually pretty boring these days. Who would want to read about this kind of stuff? Sometimes I find myself asking if this is all there is to my life in this season.

And then I remember that I am blessed with a great family, a house, a job which has hours that suit my life stage perfectly, and most importantly, I am a member of God's family. The excitement and spontaneity may be a bit light on some days here, but I need to focus upon the many good things I do have. And the joys that those things bring.

Thinking about controversial stuff....

....God's design for women. We're in the middle of a sermon series at church at the moment. Week one was on men, week two (last Sunday) on women, and this Sunday we'll be hearing about children and parents.

Whenever the Biblical priorities and responsibilities of women are discussed in our church, it seems to eventually funnel down to the issue of women in the paid workforce. Most of the women with young children in our church don't do paid work. I do, so I often feel a bit like the odd one out in the women's daytime Bible study group, which consists mostly of stay-at-home mothers.

The thing that gets me is that often the argument is advanced that those who stay home with their kids are in the right from a Biblical standpoint because they are making their home and family their priority, being a good helper to their husband etc etc. I feel as if the implication is that being in the paid workforce automatically means that you are not making your home a priority and you are neglecting your husband and children. And that voluntary work is somehow better than paid work because Christians shouldn't be valuing economic productivity above unpaid work.

I struggle to agree with this argument. My home IS my priority. Sometimes I'm tired. Sometimes the housework doesn't get done. I'm no great lover of cleaning. If it has to be done, we do it, but if not we might let things slide for a week or two. Sometimes my husband and kids are neglected because I'm doing my own selfish things. I'm a sinful person. But would this be any different if I didn't do paid work two days a week? I'm not sure that it would be. And no matter how much I read all the women-related Bible passages, I still can't find the bit that tells me that women must stay at home, and if the option to do paid work arises, that doing voluntary work is a far better choice. And yet I feel like I am in the wrong and have to be defensive every time the issue comes up. It shouldn't be this way. I don't think there is a "right" or "wrong" Biblical position on the issue of women in the paid workforce, as long as you have your priorities straight. God first, husband and family next, then home, then things outside the home. That kind of prioritisation.

When we were discussing this at our daytime study group this week, someone suggested that it's entirely possible to stay at home and be very lazy and idle (which the Bible commands us not to be). And if that was the case, then you might as well work (paid or otherwise) to prevent this from happening.

I thought this was a great point. I actually spend my week doing a combination of things at home, voluntary work at church and school, and then I do paid work for two days each week. I'm far less idle doing all that than I was when I was at home by myself with Rosie for most of the week.

Sometimes I wish I was better at putting forth an argument along these lines. But as it stands, I tend to just end up feeling guilty and ungodly. But I don't believe that the decisions we have made as a family are either of those things.

I realise this could be controversial. I'll apologise in advance because I realise not everyone will think the same way I do about this. Or maybe I'm making more of an issue out of this than I should be? Feel free to let me know if I am....

Exhaustion

1. First NAPLAN week survived. Lots more to come. Next time we'll have two kids doing it at the same time. Can't wait.

2. Housework, grocery shopping, birthday dinner, cake and presents taken care of (thanks, Chris). And thanks Aidan for being happy to eat the last meal on the menu plan for his birthday dinner, even though he didn't actually choose it. Lucky he likes tacos.

3. Ukulele workshop was great fun. But my fingers are very sore. And my eyes are tired from driving to Lismore and back. I learned how to play Happy Birthday, among other things. That was handy tonight when we were having birthday cake.

4. Have just run through all the songs (on piano) for church tomorrow. And I am also doing one of the Bible readings in tomorrow's service. Proverbs 31:10-31.

Right now, I feel like that Proverbs woman. Busy, busy, busy.

When something unexpected happens....

....that is potentially life direction changing, what do you do?

At the moment, we are in this situation. Presently I'm coping by going into denial. That will be OK for a while but sooner or later I will have to address what's going on and deal with it. Well, we as a family will have to address it. Big changes are involved. Financially I am unsure about it.

Well, I guess the obvious answer is to pray. And I have been doing that. Chris and I are reading from Proverbs at the moment so requesting wisdom is high on our prayer list.

No fun here

Liam (aged 6) has been driving Chris and I insane lately. Back chat, rudeness, cheekiness, shouting, name calling, and the list goes on. It's not that we don't do stuff with him, he gets plenty of love and attention, but he seems to be going through a trying time. I think he needs more sleep but it's hard getting him to sleep when his big brother stays awake reading in the bed below him.

Yesterday I discovered a blog called Be A Fun Mum. I found it via another blog that I have been reading which extols the joys of homemaking and planning fantastic play activities each day to do with toddlers and preschoolers (the woman who writes it manages all this with a newborn, by the way). These blogs come complete with photos of happy looking kids playing with playdough, paper clips or whatever is the craft of the week. Photos of children's bedrooms with craft activities hung up on the walls and no mess anywhere. Our boys' room is lucky to stay tidy for five minutes after we've cleaned it out.

I'm sure these ladies are lovely people but just once I would like to hear that they have been called "rubbish-head" or "fatty" (the current names of choice, I suppose I should be grateful they're not swear words) by an ungrateful child. I don't feel much like being a fun mum when he's behaving like that.

Still, I suppose that's not the point of their blogs. And I don't want to turn mine into a whingeing blog. This is just what our life looks like right now. I know it will pass, but for now it's not much fun.

I feel like I need a holiday already

Because it doesn't feel as though I've had one.

And it's only week two of school. And I am actually still on "leave" but going back to work in two more weeks. And the kids aren't even getting homework yet.

Since Christmas, it has just been busy busy busy here. My jigsaw puzzle lies under the bed, unfinished. I have stacks of books on my "to read" pile. I want to read them all....right now. I am trying to work out how much volunteering I can manage at school once I am working two days each week. I am starting up a Christian book discussion for the ladies at our church and feeling nervous about how it will go. I want to go back to work and do things differently, not just go back to the stupid and ineffective old habits I had before, so I need to plan strategies to avoid getting sucked into the pit of familiarity.

There's too much to think about so it's much easier to avoid it all and just think about where to go next time we go on holidays.

Back home

Exhausted. Two days of thinking followed by one day of keeping track of small children while moving large amounts of....well, I thought a lot of it was rubbish but there were others who disagreed.

Not enough energy to think of what to write now. More from me when I recover.

Transitions

Retirement is still a long way off for me but I had a good conversation with my now-retired manager at work yesterday. A manager for whom I have a lot of respect and admiration.

She took six months long service leave last year because she wasn't sure if she was ready to retire or not. But she had found so many voluntary activities to get involved in she said she was sure it was the right thing to finish her paid working life now.

It made me think about transitions. The old story about one door closing and another one opening. New opportunities to help others have come my way while I have been on maternity leave. Some of them very enjoyable ones. I'm thankful to God for them all.

I do enjoy work, not necessarily the day to day grind of it, but the challenge of helping children and families is rewarding. But this year, time to explore other avenues has given me the chance to enjoy other things too, the most important being time to be with my kids, both physically with them (at home and school) and emotionally available for them. Being honest, I would say that being emotionally available for them was hard at times when I was busy at work.

So I need to pray for wisdom in sorting out my priorities before my return to work deadline early next year. With my older two kids, me going back to work happened without a lot of thought. The opportunity was there, the extra money helped and I enjoyed the work I did. All those things are still true. But there are other things that now fill my time that I need to think about as well.

Recovering

From a busy weekend.

Caught up with friends on Saturday at the new park at Palm Beach. They brought their gorgeous new puppy along (a 7 week old labrador retriever, like the dogs on the toilet paper ads). The puppy slept most of the time (so did Rosie!). I crashed on Saturday night...asleep by 8.30. I guess ten months of having to stay up to do a dream feed with a baby at 10.30 does take its toll.

Sunday morning we went to church. The littlies enjoyed making their little people and talking about how God loves all the people we see every day (the shop lady, the postman, our neighbours). We sang a good song about God loving the postman. Next week I need to remember to give them the little eggs and pom poms to shake during the song session so they are not being treated to me singing solo...

Session two of parenting in the afternoon. I came away a bit disappointed since the focus seemed to end up being entirely related to corporal punishment. But at home I found a Christian parenting book that I did like and probably should read again...How to Really Love Your Child by Ross Campbell. The book is an oldie (first published 1977) but what this guy says really makes sense. And he talks about guidance as well as punishment.

So today I am being low key. I am about to try a new recipe for apricot rice bubble biscuits for the kids' lunchbox treats this week. And we have swimming this afternoon, Liam is finally allowed to go back in the pool after his eye injury.

Everyone is pleasantly occupied here...

...which is nice.

Aidan is reading his school library book. Liam is playing with his little pirates and knights and there is a battle of some sort going on between them. Rosie is rolling around the floor chasing blocks.

I am cutting out fiddly little pictures of boys and girls for Sunday's activity for Sprouts, our church program for 18 month-3year olds. And I am reading other people's very interesting blogs at the same time.

Enjoying the brief interlude of serenity...

What more could a day throw at me?

Lecture to 55 Uni students successfully completed. Only a few yawns in the audience but to be fair to them, I was the second half of a two hour session that began at 8am. Quite an early start for Uni students I would assume.

Early this afternoon, Liam had his surgery in Brisbane (Chris, his brother and my Mum were there). It seems to have gone okay but they said the fracture was pretty big so it needed a big plate to fix it up (which will dissolve eventually). He will be home tomorrow if everything keeps going well. The latest update is that he is sitting up in bed eating jelly and icecream with a big smile on his face so that sounds promising. I always thought that jelly and icecream in hospital after an operation was a myth, but apparently not.

I arrive at school to pick up Aidan to receive the bad news from his teacher that he spent some time in the principal's office today for encouraging another kid in his class to say swear words. That I was less than impressed would be an understatement given that I was still waiting to get the call to say that Liam was out of theatre safely. Unfortunately I tend to be a fairly reactive parent which meant the afternoon didn't improve greatly from there as far as Aidan and I were concerned. I guess he feels like not enough attention is coming his way right now and he happily agreed with that when I asked him if that was why he did it...but now I worry that maybe I have just offered him a convenient excuse??

Yesterday I read and commented on this post in Simone's blog. A "happy, simple worry-free life"?? If only...

Well, I think Rosie had a simple worry-free day today actually. She coped really well with being looked after by someone other than Chris or me (the first time we'd attempted this) and she has slept really well during the day today which meant I could deal with the other stuff.